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I wanted to let you know that Bre and I are celebrating 17 years of marriage today—our waitress at dinner last night refused to believe us, but it’s very true (I have the marriage certificate and MTV episode to prove it).

In addition to still being married, and despite having four children constantly jockeying for our attention (one, in particular, named Ruby), I’m very proud to report that we love each other more than ever.

Last week, I was having coffee with a friend, and he asked how long Bre and I had been married. After letting him know, he kindly said, “You guys make it look effortless.” I was quick to respond, “The things that look effortless often require the most effort.”

Our marriage is great—but great things require great effort.

I spent some time this morning reflecting on our relationship, and I want to share a few of the lessons I’ve learned over the years.

Words matter. I tell Bre how beautiful she is every single day. If you don’t believe me, ask her. It’s easy because her physical beauty is obvious—but the older I get, the more I’m attracted to her heart.
Goodbyes matter. I never leave the house without hugging Bre and praying with her. I do the same with each kid. No exceptions. Ever.
Gratitude matters. There was a season early in our marriage when we had very little. I remember going to Walmart and having to take things out of our cart because we couldn’t afford them. Guess what? We had each other, and we were still happy. When you focus on the good, you have more of it. If I’m being honest, the life we currently lead feels like a dream—but I refuse to forget that what I currently have used to be what I always dreamed of. Read this one twice.
Humility matters. I’m wrong—a lot. Over the years, I’ve learned to admit it and learn from it (instead of doubling down). Wisdom isn't found in certainty. Wisdom is trying to figure out what is right instead of trying to be right.
Margin matters. Margin is the space between your limit and your load. Without margin, we live in a constant state of hurry—and hurry kills the things we hold dear. As a father of four, this lesson was especially hard to learn. I used to tell myself that being busy was just a part of life. It was ok, because all the things we were doing were “good things”. Trust me on this one: if your schedule has zero margin, your life will fall apart.
Your relationship with God is paramount. Here’s a Dallas Willard quote I’ve wrestled with a lot — “We don't believe something by merely saying we believe it, or even when we believe that we believe it. We believe something when we act as if it were true.” — I believe our words and actions are an overflow of what’s going on inside of us. I want my life and legacy to be the ultimate testimony of what I believe. Serving others and living a life that reflects Christ’s goodness is the goal. If that remains my focus, being a good husband comes naturally.